A New Year

It's been over a month since I last posted, so much for good intentions.  It was a full-on end of year, thick with friends, end-of-year school activities, and Christmas celebrations.  That was followed by 8 flights, 5 households, and over 25,000km of travel as we embarked on our annual return to Canada, the U.S., before returning to Perth via 6 days in Melbourne.  It was all great, and I should have blogged shorter and more frequently but I didn't, mea culpa.

This Christmas was joyful but tinged with tragedy as well.  Not entirely unexpected but shocking nonetheless, and processing it has been a sad journey.  Harder yet for a darling friend who is living the tragedy.  In the yin and yang that is life, I filled my soul to the top with time spent in the company of family and dearest of friends.  It was so good to reconnect, and I am enriched.

Whistler Wonderland

It the taxi to the airport on the night of December 13, it felt like had just done this but it really was 12 months earlier.  Is the world spinning faster, causing time to compress?  We have been amazingly fortunate on our expat journey to have forced as much extended family time as we have, but now it feels like everyone is on their own new journeys.  After several years where we were all moving the same direction, now I feel a little off-balanced, as if all of our lives are moving forward and in seemingly disparate directions. The 20-somethings are busy building their lives and spreading their wings, family are consumed with new phases and passions as their lives become more liberated and children grow up, and I worry about my mum who will be 80 this year.

I look sideways at J, and wonder who this creature with the long limbs, sassy backtalk, and nose deep in The Maze Runner young adult novel is?  In my mind's eye, he is always that rambunctious pre-schooler with white-blond hair, a lisp, and never-ending need for cuddles.  He is beginning his final year of primary school in two weeks, and I am mourning his fading childhood.  It is a very big year for him and he will need much of me.

At the Seattle Space Needle with our great friends from Geneva

Then I glance down at this Saturday afternoon activity of sifting through a manual on mental health state specifications, data collection and reporting requirements, and recognize that I am on a new journey too.  For the first time in over a decade, I have returned to full-time work.  Well for six months anyways before I ease back a little.  Welcome to the juggling act, a couple of girlfriends have advised wryly.

On a different subject, back in November, I had said that I hoped to watch a few good films before the end of the year.   Well, I've tried but so far I've only seen one really good one ('Begin Again' - Keira Knightley and Mark Ruffalo) and one pretty good one ('Magic in the Moonlight' - Colin Firth and Emma Stone).  I've also seen a really good 7-part TV series (Jane Campion's 'Top of the Lake'). Any recommendations would still be appreciated.

Happy New Year all!

Finding Happiness

Well, I could describe it as having internet again after almost 2 weeks of not, but that would be shallow as would be sitting outside in a warm breeze with a glass of wine at 5:44 on a Monday night because J is at school camp, but let's just say I am profitez-ing (there is no perfect translation but you get the idea).

A few weeks ago, I attended a workshop called 'The Theory of the Compass and Map of Loss", a somewhat esoteric theory applicable to all but from an Aboriginal healing and connection perspective, which embraces the idea of moving through life's challenges to a place of healing and happiness.  It was illuminating as has much of the Aboriginal learning and cultural corridors I have been treading to better understand and perform my job.  I won't try to explain the theory and I'm not even sure I could, however, it, and several experiences in the last several months have put me on a path toward finding happiness and not in the places I necessarily expected.

Ayn Rand used the term 'objectivism', that the proper moral purpose of one's life is the pursuit of one's own happiness (rational self-interest), and that the only social system consistent with this morality is one that displays full respect for individual rights embodied in laissez-faire capitalism.  I don't disagree with this principle, except for the laissez-faire capitalism part, as I believe that capitalism and wealth have a role to play in bettering the community in which we live and thrive.  I have often wrestled with the idea that our moral purpose is to make ourselves happy.  Is it "moral" for a person to accumulate wealth and/or experience and keep it entirely unto them without assisting those in-need, without paying it forward?  Or does happiness grow from community service, from helping those who are vulnerable and legitimately in need?  I lean toward a hand-up not a hand-out approach and, increasingly, the idea that for those who have much, much is expected.  Think Bill and Melinda Gates, or here in Australia, think Andrew Forrest.  Learning about their apolitical, non-dogmatic approaches to community have begun informing my own approaches to life and my community.

The life that C2 and I have built is a many-chaptered story; when some chapters closed, new ones began, and each contributed to our wealth of knowledge and experience.  None of it was forgotten, suppressed or ignored but all of it, the good and the bad, have shaped the people we have become, the choices we have made, and the life we are living.  My work in the not-for-profit world has exposed me to horror, haunting injustice, healing, and hope.  I have found that opening myself to all of it has put me on the path to happiness by bearing witness, by being part of the healing, part of a community dedicated to righting wrongs, and bringing balance to bear by our actions, no matter how small.

My current work with the Australian Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities has been such a learning experience, such an education, and I understand only a fraction of their 60,000 year-old story.  But it has resonated profoundly with me, and I now see the world through a different lens.  This new lens is causing me to become more open-eyed, open-minded, and open-hearted.  I have been participating in Aboriginal cultural evenings where we sit around a fire, surrounded by spiritual grass trees and healing smoke, and led by a revered Elder, are taken on a journey, where there is joy and acceptance and balance.

We live in a world where the 6:00 news is endlessly depressing, and it can be overwhelming.   We can't change everything, but in each of our little corners of the world, there is a place where we can make a difference, and I think that is where the beginning of happiness may lie.  I am discovering balance between what I have and what I can do.  I hope C2s and my influence will inspire J to be aware that everything he does in his life matters; that everything he will do, every fork in the road, will impact on someone else.  

I think two qualities need to be nurtured for balance and happiness to be achieved, (1) thirst, a thirst for knowledge, and experience; and (2) curiosity, to be open and respectful of new ideas, new places, and new experiences. 

 I'm working on both.


 

About Films, Deli Counters, and Bugs

About Films:
I've been thinking about films lately.  If I try to recall a list of the good ones I've seen in the recent past, between, 'Godzilla', 'Pacific Rim', and 'The Lego Movie', all I can reach for is 'Midnight in Paris' or 'A Good Year', both of which I've recently re-watched for about the 10th time.  We used to watch a lot of films, good ones, I don't know why we've stopped but I suspect it has something to do with our 11-year old now assuming the same bedtime hour as us on weekends.

Consequently, I am going to challenge myself to see 3 good films before the end of the year.  I'm hoping to see 'Two Days One Night".  If you've noticed that this is the 3rd time I've referenced a Marion Cotillard film, you're right and that would be because when I grow up, I want to be her.  I also want to see 'My Old Lady', and to humour C2, I'll go to 'Interstellar', but only because it was filmed outside of Calgary and because Christopher Nolan rented my nephew's friends' house.  Watch this space, I suspect, all I'll actually see will be 'Night at the Museum 2'.....for the 4th time.

Still, at the very least, I am assembling a list of those films worth my time so if you have any suggestions, throw them my way.  Maybe some of them can keep me company on our long flight back to Canada at Christmas.

About Deli Counters:
How many of you have been intimidated to approach the deli counter at your local grocery store?  At my local Woolies, the deli counter is frequently manned by a very grumpy deli guy.  So fierce is this fellow, that I have started referring to him as 'Grumpy Deli Guy' and my heart sinks if I see him as I approach the counter.  Here are a couple of typical exchanges:

Note for ease of translation, Grumpy Deli Guy will be referred to as GDG:

Exchange Example #1
GDG: Scowl
me:  "Um, can I have a medium container of pitted Kalamata olives please"
GDG: Heavy sigh....reaches for a small container and before I can say anything fills it.
me:  "Oh sorry, I guess I didn't make that clear, can I  have a medium container please?"
GDG: Eye roll, reaches for the medium container and dumps contents of small container into it.  "Is that good enough?"
me:  Thinking "if that was all I wanted I would have asked for the small container" but instead I meekly reply "Um no, can you fill it please?"
GDG: Heavy sigh, fills it part-way to the top, slaps a cover on it, hands it to me and turns away.
me:  I resist urge to apologize for ruining his day, and decide to leave the feta cheese for another time.

Exchange Example #2
GDG: Scowl
me: "Um can I have two thick slices of spicy pancetta, about this big"  I demonstrate far too cheerfully with my fingers the size of the thickness I want.
GDG: Heavy sigh, reaches for the mild pancetta and turns away
me: "Um excuse me, I think that is the mild pancetta"
GDG: "AND???"
me: "Er I'd like the spicy pancetta please"
GDG: "We don't have any!"
me: "Er um, yes you do right beside the mild pancetta"
GDG: Eye roll, scowl,  he cuts me two slices of pancetta half the size I wanted and then looks at me to see if I would dare comment.  I didn't.

Seriously!  Is it normal to experience heart palpatations when one enters their grocery store?  Do I have to give up my deli order, or save it for a different shop?  C2 has a somewhat different suggestion but I suspect that it may get me removed from my favorite Woolies, so won't pursue his strategy.

About Bugs:
We are approaching our first summer in Perth and have begun spending a lot of time indoor/outdoor living which has been great.  We love to sit outside in the evenings and listen to the cicadas.  However, indoor/outdoor living comes at a price.  We first recognized that we might have a problem a couple of weeks ago whilst eating dinner outdoors with all the doors flung open, and the lights inside left on...they cast such a nice ambient glow outside.  When we finally returned indoors, our ceiling looked like something out of Wild Kingdom.  Fortunately, most of them lay dead on our floor the next morning, so that was nice.

Then, of course, there are the cockroaches, which J loves to pick up and stalk me with, that's nice too.  There are moths the size of my hand, and huge spiders that have almost become pets (Norman and Warner so far that we were/are rather attached to).  We mourned Norman's passing when he was stung by his lunch (a bee).  There are crickets who you really don't want inside the house if you care to hear anything else besides their chirp, and there are stink bugs (don't ask).  Last night, I noticed a rather large black helicopter roaming around the ceiling.  When we finally trapped and released it (yes we still do that), it turned out to be a giant flying beetle, so that's nice too.

I guess, we'll have to forego that nice ambient glow until Fall.

Things I have Decided Not To Dwell On This Week:
In no particular order:
1.  ISIS, ISIL or whatever that band of sociopaths want to call themselves
2.  Vladimir Putin
3.  The empty corner in my living room where Murphy used to sleep
4.  That the Republicans now rule Congress
5.  That the pair of grey Converse's I would like is 100% more expensive in Australia than in the U.S.
6.  That I still don't understand the game of Cricket despite living in a Cricket-mad country
7.  That the new version of "Do They Know it's Christmas' is really bad
8.  That my Christmas shopping is going no-where fast
9.  That Benedict Cumberbatch is engaged....not that I would have left C2 for him....still...
10.  That my hamstring tendonitis is managed but not gone and I will probably never run a marathon....not that I was planning to....just saying.

Letting a Little Colour Back In

No bones about it, it has been a tough week since Murphy's sudden passing last Friday.  However, we are coming out the other side of the initial shock and grief.  I am now able to have a conversation about her without breaking down.  We still miss her and her familiarity enormously, and the house is eerie without her in it.  C2 has already decided we must get another dog....like now.  I put the kibosh on that desire, however, as I would really like to wait a year, tick a travel box or two without the worry of animal care for the first time in 20 years.   His head agrees, but the heart wants what the heart wants....so does J's.

Halloween was a good distraction and it is beginning to really catch on in Australia.  People either fully embrace it or mutter about the Americanization of Australia.  Some older kids probably inclined to mischief-making anyway use it as an excuse to cause problems.  Fortunately, we didn't see any of that.  Of course it is nearly summer here and all the kids were wandering the neighbourhood under bright sun and were done by 6:00 but that's just how we do it down under.  J's school had an awesome Halloween disco later in the evening where the boys boogied while I hung back at my girlfriend's house and sipped wine.

 Australians are still working out what to give as Halloween lollies and many are clearly baffled.  Too much is unwrapped candy (straight into the bin) but my personal favorite this year were three dried Apricots....ewww!  I think they beat the banana and packet of TimTams from two years ago.

Another great distraction was Perth's annual Swisse Color Run which J and I ran yesterday along with 19,000 other runners.  The Color Run is a unique concept whereby every kilometre or so, you are pelted with paint (coloured starch) in an effort to become as kaleidoscopic (is that a word?) as possible.  Frankly, it's the only 5k race where I pretty much laughed from start to finish, and then danced along with thousands of others at a great post-race party.  The run was around Langley Field in downtown Perth between the city and the Swan River.  It was picturesque and fun and EXACTLY what J and I needed though I didn't need the reminder that J continues to run a 5K faster than me.

We were nice and clean in our Color Run kit.  I couldn't convince J to lose the sweatband.  Didn't matter much once we got to the race site since everyone else was wearing one too.

Selfie immediately post-race.  I am such a cheeseball whilst J is waaaay too cool for school

The post-race dance party - yep that's J dancing!

Clouds of paint

Yes, we rode the train home looking like this!

We had fun, and we were happy and that was the goal of getting through this last week.

A Death in the Family

Sixteen years and one month.  One month.  One month since I last blogged about her, 2 days since her wellness check at the Vet gave her an all-clear.  One month since it seemed, however improbable, that she would live forever.  She didn’t.

Murphy passed away very early Friday morning with our hands and our voices her last experience.  I had at least wanted that much.  I am grateful that it didn’t happen while C2 was travelling, or at the office.  I am grateful that it didn’t happen while I was at work and she would have been alone.  I am grateful it didn’t happen while we were in Canada at Christmas.  I am grateful but I am grieving.  We three are.

I am grieving her presence, which is so familiar to me; our house is loud with her absence.  When C2 comes downstairs in the morning, he looks at the corner of the living room to her bed, “to make sure she’s still breathing” he used to joke.  That corner is conspicuously empty now.  When I come into the house, I open my mouth to holler “hi Murph” then stop.  I still think to her schedule and automatically open my mouth to ask C2 “have you let her out to pee” at night before I stop.  I look to my feet as I’m cooking or preparing food where she would always be and her absence takes my breath away.

I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach…repeatedly.  We three do.  I’m sorry if you cannot relate to the grief of losing a much-loved animal but she was so much more than that for us.  She has been our constant companion through time and place, our touchstone.   After 16 years, we should have been ready.  We were prepared but we weren’t ready.

J stayed home from school on Friday and we went for a long walk by the river and talked and remembered and cried, and then did it again.  It helped, especially him.  C2 came home early since he couldn’t keep it together at work.  We went to Ikea and bought bookshelves, came home, and redecorated a room from top to bottom.  That got us through that day.

The next day, we spent the afternoon at the Perth Diwali festival, the Indian Festival of Lights, which spiritually signifies the victory of light over darkness, knowledge over ignorance, good over evil, and hope over despair.  Seemed the right thing to do.  The Masala Dosa temporarily filled the hole in our stomachs.

Yesterday, we went for a long beach walk, collected shells, and talked more.  I know that in a few weeks, this feeling of being kicked in the stomach will shift away from sadness and towards recalling happy memories with a smile in my heart.  I wish I could fast-forward to that place.

It was love at first sight for both of them

The last thing I said to her before she died was to “go find Sam”, her beloved Golden Retriever friend, and equally loved dog of our friends Marc and Nathalie.  I choose to believe that after leaving us, her indomitable spirit found his, and that they are together in Fish Creek Park in Calgary playing and chasing each other as they once did.  That's where she walked with me every day the summer J was born, sitting at my feet at Annie's  Cafe sharing my muffin, and whimpering at the mocking squeaks of the Prairie Dogs.  That's where she swam in the river, climbed hills, played in the snow, and mountain-biked with us.  That’s where we’ll spread her ashes so that’s where she can stay.

A New Job, Mental Health, and School Holidays

....is why it's been a month since I last posted, in spite of my best intentions.  My free time has been so limited, in fact, that I fully expect to take two days to write this relatively short post, between ignoring the dusty tumbleweeds drifting by, finding time to have a shower, collecting J from tennis camp, and trying to spend  quality time with him since school holidays are usually full of precious JAM (J and mum) moments.

Righto, so back to the beginning, a month ago I started a new job, an NGO - perfect!  New field (mental health) and much to learn in short time; I love a challenge so still perfect!  Part-time - perfect,  However, part-time has morphed into near full-time at the moment which would ordinarily be fine, however has been made more complicated by (a)  my mum was in her final three weeks with us  (b)  J has two weeks of school holidays and (c) C2 is in the USA - oy!

This last month has been about trying to skill up very fast on the basic principles and statistics of the current mental health crisis in Australia, trying to skill up equally fast so that I can work respectfully with the Australian Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities who are key stakeholders in my project, trying to make my mum's last three weeks with us not just about doing our washing and making our dinners, and reminding J that he really does have a loving and present mother.  Toss into the middle of that, a 3-day trip to Sydney (completely awesome)  to accompany my mum part-way back to Canada, and well, it's been quite a month!

The Sydney opera house....and a pirate ship?

I can cope with my current chaos because I know that balance is around the corner; that sweet spot where my brain, body, and soul are fully engaged and there is still milk in my refrigerator.  For the moment, that symmetry is elusive, but I know it's close.  At least the chaos is helping me not notice that my mum has returned to Canada.

One of the highlights during the school holidays was reclaiming our old annual J-Day tradition.  On J-Day, J chooses all meals and activities which not supposed to cost any much money.  This year started with a waffle breakfast, followed by a trip into the city to our favorite sushi restaurant.  J and I can do an impressive amount of damage at a sushi train!  J bought a new toy at Target (he paid) and I bought some artisinal rock candy on Hay Street (I paid).  Home-made chicken soup was the dinner request.  It was a JAM-filled day which ended with a 4-hour Skype call/virtual playdate with his best mate from Geneva while I binge-watched Season 3 of "Once Upon a Time" on Netflix.

Our sushi consumption, why yes those are all our plates,  impressive right?

Geneva calling....still best mates

Chicken soup

On another subject, for those of you who stay awake at night wondering just how far Perth is from North America,  J and I had 2 days and 2 full nights' sleep while C2 was traveling from Perth to Gillette, Wyoming this week....seriously.   I cannot tell you how excited I am for our journey to Canada this Christmas which will be our first from Perth.  It promises to be similarly grueling, dang, I knew there had be a price for living in paradise.

Sixteen

I 'm unsure what more I can say about my darling 16-year old creaky girl, now in the twilight of her doggy life.  I have blogged about her and our relationship with her several times.  She is a special girl but a very old one now having turned 16 this past weekend.

Dogs have been treated very differently in all of the places we have lived.  In Canada, they are typically kept indoors because of the cold climate, and generally considered part of the family.  As Murphy was young whilst there, her preferred place was on the corner of our green sofa prior to retiring to our bed at night.

Christmas 2003, J was 6-months old and Murphy was 5 years old

Murphy's green sofa

In Geneva, dogs are revered and accepted in cafes, restaurants, and (gasp) high end shops.  Still it was rare that we took Murphy to a restaurant because she has always been ruled by her nose and she would consequently visit other tables when our attention was elsewhere.  In her middle age, her preferred place was on our white sofa prior to retiring to our bed at night.

Murphy's white sofa

Young Murphy

Now we are in Australia, where dogs are expected to remain outdoors, where finding holiday accommodation that accept dogs (of course she comes with us, why would you even ask???) is a challenge, and it's generally considered cruel to keep a dog in the city (seriously???).  In her old age, her preferred place is on her doggy bed and it's where she stays at night too  since arthritis has halted her stair-climbing, and age-induced night terrors have made her prefer the kitchen with several lights left on to the dark of our bedroom.

12-year old Murphy at Apollo Bay

14-year old Murphy in Melbourne

It has been heart-wrenching stewarding her through this part of her life.  She is not the same dog she was either physically or emotionally.  Her bones ache, her knees hurt, and her snout is completely white.  She has experienced a handful of age-related seizures that shake her confidence.  She is nearly blind and deaf, her eyes weep (we've nicknamed her Alice Cooper), and her teeth are ground low.  She no longer cares to cuddle as it is hurts her bones and skin.  She is too weak to jump on the sofa or to walk very far or very fast.

15-year old Murphy last month in Margaret River

So....you ask why?  Because, she still finds joy in greeting us every morning with a whack of her tail.  Because, she still thrills to the myriad of smells her Labrador nose unfailing leads her to.  Because, she loves to eat and spins in circles of excitement before every meal.  Because she stares expectantly at me until I give her a cookie after every short walk.   Because she still remembers when we eat Salmon that she gets the Salmon skins, or Grandma's apple core, or the odd watermelon rind.  Because she couldn't get to her birthday pancake fast enough yesterday.  Because she is still happy to be near wherever we are.  Because neither of us are letting go yet.