Reality, J never went into that d*&% swing more than twice without hollering his head off, he always wanted to be held, facing out to confront the world and bellowed his protest the minute we wearily set him down. Little has changed.
Nobody would describe C2 or I as being placid or hard to ruffle. We are both loud, opinionated, quick to get a rise from, love to debate, bicker (it's our thing) and get the final word. Consquently, life has always been colourful, interesting, and entertaining for us. So why should I be surprised that our child is the same. With him, everything is a debate, a challenge, an often-times sarcastic argument, a reason why it shouldn't be done our way but his way. Boundaries are continually tested for weak spots and impulse often rules. Sweet as a Tim Horton's maple donut as long as things are going his way but prepare for a showdown at the OK corral if they're not. It's exhausting. But as my darling sister-in-law has reminded me on more than one occasion, two goats don't make a sheep
After another showdown this evening...in fairness at 9:00pm after he refused to eat pasta with sauteed kale (can I entirely blame him?), ripped a napkin in protest, and flung a curse from his wand at me (really a chopstick but that's not the point), C2 and I questioned what we were doing wrong. Are we too lenient, are we not lenient enough, do we coddle him too much, do we give in too easily, do we escalate arguments rather than defuse them because we are just as stubborn as he?
I don't know the answer, but I know it's not always easy being J's parent. But is parenting ever easy? This week, I had a friend dub her two seemingly angelic boys whom I have never seen do wrong "Attitude" and "Feral". I have witnessed other kids disrespecting the sensei at judo or teachers at school; J has never done that. He has a healthy respect for all authority but us, and, thankfully, a clear command of the right side of wrong. OK, so maybe it's not just J, maybe it's parenting in a world where we compete for the attention of our children with the Cartoon Network, Wii, DS, on-line games, and other electronic stimuli. A world where role models are not always positive, influences are many, and where the line between child and adult has become blurred.
I don't have the answers, and I don't know if any parent has it all figured out, but once the dust has settled, I am reminded that my little goat makes me laugh, charms me, fascinates me, amazes me, and utterly slays me with the depth of love, pride, joy, and gratitude he makes me feel....when he's not making me want to rip my head off.
9 comments:
Ah, the ever-present questioning of one's parenting skills....
Frankly, I think you've done a great job. J behaves himself well with other people, but questions the two of you, the people who have the greatest impact on his life. Seems fair and righteous to me. Nate and Cali are similar in that they are uber well behaved in the outside world but at home...well, things are much different.
Exhausting yes, but you've done a wonderful job and as he grows and matures you will see his best qualities come more and more to the forefront...inbetween extreme challenges to your patience and pocketbooks I'd imagine!!!
Wow, have we ever had that after-meltdown conversation a time or twenty. Sounds to me like J's confident in your unconditional love and knows he's safe to test his boundaries. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be? (Remind me that I said this, OK?)
Your little goat sounds similar to mine. And whenever I begin to doubt myself and my parenting, I think of my older son who sespite growing up in the same family with the same parents, IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE. They are who they are, I believe, with only a bit of influence from ourselves...
The fact that you are even questioning whether or not your are doing right by J shows that your are an engaged parent. In the heat of the moment we all do and say things that are questionable and possibly (likely?) ineffective. It is during the calm between the storms that we can reset course, if necessary. Never fear, C, you've got a great boy with a great mom.
Sometimes I think the greatest gift My grandmother, who was one of the most loving women in the world, made great mud pies, and read to us by the hour said if she were ever on a jury where a mother killed a child, she'd vote innocent. I never understood until my own daughter pushed me to the wall. Llara never followed by script only her own and as an adult of your age, she still does and we have a wonderful relationship. Be patient in raising your independent little goat. You're doing fine.
Kids save their best material for their parents. I find it much easier to teach a class of children that to parent two.
I love this post because you guys make it look so easy...so it's good to know you're fallible ;-). Also...kale...really? Can you blame him? But seriously, he is one cool kid and you guys are awesome parents who discuss and analyze this.
I wouldn't change 1 hair on our little goat! Nor his goat parents either. You are all just perfect the way you are. I LOVE THIS FAMILY OF GOATS! (But then again, I am the 'original' goat mommy! lol)
Great entry Kiki-I could just see our Jack ripping up that napkin with smoke coming out of his nostrils and his ears aflame! Thanks for making my day with this one! Love you all so much.
Just reread this one, C, because it amuses me. I remember commenting to Bear's principal that I was worried about Bear turning into a juvenile delinquent. When he stopped laughing, he reassured me that the kids who turn into delinquents most often have parents who don't stop to worry about them turning into delinquents.
Our goats are going to turn out to lead their herds, mark my words. Bbbaaaaahhhhh...
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